I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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