dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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