rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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