Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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