When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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