remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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