So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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