i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.