I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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