If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have fence marks all over my body
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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