he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
