I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
