Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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