I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
