Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
