I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
