overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
