You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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