were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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