I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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