walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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