I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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