Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
