Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
