You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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