Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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