I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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