I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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