hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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