I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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