Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
