1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
