Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
