Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
