So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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