We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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