If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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