it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.