Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.