it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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