he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
