Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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