Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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