So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
