How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
