nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
