I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
