He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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