So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.