I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?