Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.