the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.