How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
