a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is