she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize