Already got asked if we're dating
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.