I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️