My first STD was from a foam party
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night